An older male friend once gave me the single best piece of dating advice I know of, even if, like most good advice, it’s sometimes easier to articulate than to abide by. I was in my early twenties, new to the city and eager for connection when he told me not to approach potential new relationships as if I am auditioning for the guy, as if my interest is already secure, and I am just waiting to find out if he reciprocates or finds me good enough—this is a trap, my friend said. Instead I ought to be auditioning the guy.